đłď¸âđ Happy Pride!
My family's story...
(make sure to check out the invite in the PS of this post!)
Today, in honour of Pride Month, I share my family story with you and invite you to make your family and the world more inclusive.
Families come in all flavours and mine is one of them. My parents are both gay. (More on that below)
Maybe your family is more typical-- that's okay AND this is for you.
How we talk about LGBTQ families matters. This may be closer to home than you think.
When we accept and celebrate gay families, we not only make our community more inclusive, we are sending a crucial message to our children: It's normal and okay to be gay!
In Pride Month, the LGTBQ+ community comes together to celebrate the freedom to be themselves.
When my parents were growing up in the 50s, they couldn't be themselves. They got married in 1970 and my sister and I were born shortly after. They divorced in the mid-1980s.
Fast-forward through a few years of angst, pain and self-discovery.
Six years ago, my dad made this post on Facebook:
Karen and I were married 50 years ago tomorrow: June 20, 1970. There have been many changes for us since then! But over all the years, we have retained the enduring spirit of family and maintained our love and closeness to each other. Divorce does not need to end family; family can be reconfigured in many lovely ways. We feel blessed and so fortunate to still have each other - and our amazing family! Happy Anniversary Karen!
Today, my parents are happily married but not to each other.
We are fortunate to have Bill/Poppy (married to my dad) and Maple/Nanny (married to my mom) in our lives. And the kids are spoiled with 2 sets of grandparents on my side!
It wasnât easy for my mom and dad- or any of us- at first. However, my sister and I can tell you that we are so grateful that they found their way back to loving each other in this new relationship as friends, including their present spouses.
Having gay parents has shaped me as a person.
Back then, the world wasnât so accepting. It was inspiring watching my parents come out and love themselves when it must have been so hard.
I know they are glad they have me and my sister. I bet they wouldn't change their past.
AND wouldn't it have been wonderful if they could have been themselves from the beginning? If they had felt loved and accepted in their families and their communities and didn't have to hide who they were?
This year we have seen a backlash against our LGBTQ+ community. All of this is even more important in today's context.
Last year when I sent this email, I got some nasty replies basically telling me to stay out of politics and that LGBTQ+ issues had nothing to do with parenting.
This is dead wrong.
Parenting and LGBTQ+ issues and our actions and attitudes are linked whether we like it or not. They matter.
One example of how seemingly small things matter: I heard Anderson Cooper (a CNN anchor who is gay) on the radio years ago telling a story about when he was a small boy.
He recalled that his mom, the designer Gloria Vanderbilt, referred to some friends, a gay male couple, as a "married couple." This, of course, was back in the 1970s when it was hard to imagine that gay marriage would ever be legal.
What Anderson Cooper got from that one small comment that his mom probably didn't even think about?
"It's okay to be gay."
He grew up knowing that his mom would be supportive of him because of that off-handed comment she made.
Whether or not we are aware of our child's sexual identity, if we want them to know they are loved and accepted unconditionally, the things we do and say in our homes and how we talk about all kinds of families matter....
We are sending messages with what we talk about AND what we don't talk about. Our words and actions matter.
Rebecca Minor shared these statistics on my podcast episode, Being and LGBTQ+ Ally for Our Kids and Others (episode 198 of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast):
LGBTQ+ youth who experience family rejection are:
8x more likely to attempt suicide
3x more likely to use illegal drugs.
6X more likely to report high levels of depression and more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior, self-harm, and disordered eating.
According to The Trevor Project:
41% of LGBTQ plus youth seriously considered suicide In the past year
14% did make an attempt, with even higher rates among trans youth and youth of color
Self-harm was reported by 50% of trans and non-binary youth
LGBTQ+ youth who had access to spaces where they felt affirmed reported significantly lower rates of self-harm, substance use, and suicide attempts.
When LGBTQ+ youth are supported and have family acceptance, they are:
50% less likely to report depression.
70% less likely to attempt suicide
70% less likely to engage in self-harm
50% less likely to use illegal drugs
When we use trans youths' chosen names and pronouns in school, at home and with friends in the community, we see:
71% fewer symptoms of severe depression
34% decrease in suicidal thoughts
65% reduction in suicide attempts
Those were a lot of numbers to throw at you- I get it.
The point is what we do and say as parents when it comes to LGBTQ+ issues MATTERS. It IS a parenting issue.
Happy Pride! Let's celebrate all families.
Let's make sure our children KNOW they'll be loved and accepted for exactly who they are.
As always, I appreciate you.
xx Sarah
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Love this story, and love that you always insist all the diversity subjects ARE about parenting!!! â¤ď¸đ§ĄđđđŠľđđ
Yes! Thank you for sharing and for being a light during these dark times. Love is Love. Let's keep loving radically and inclusively.